Tell Them Now

If your loved ones really love you, they should buy a diamond for themselves instead of paying for your funeral.

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Egg Advice

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Don’t spend your nest egg on one casket.

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Are Your Loved Ones Afraid To Be Cremated?

Remind them that chickens get eaten.

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Loved?

Do not stop loving a soul just because a body has died.

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R.I.P. Van Winkle

A grave will let you rest in peace for only 100 years (this is not much better than 20 in the grand scheme of things).

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Gender Equality

All men are not created equal but both men and women are.

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The Truth About Honeymoons

I’m going to let you in on a well kept secret. Honeymoons are usually boring. Most couples get to where they arranged to go and find that there is absolutely nothing to do once they unpack. Even if they remembered to bring Monopoly, they discover that it’s not as much fun with only two players. This is why it is so important to have Heart In Diamond wedding rings. Couples can stay up and marvel at their awesome diamonds! Honeymoons can be wonderful when two people get to enjoy each other’s personal carbon.

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Flowers Are Not For Graves

No one should waste money on flowers for a rotten person.

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How Do You Keep An Idiot In Suspense?

You wait till September 2018 to sell your new Lightbox brand of diamond jewelry.

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R.I.P. On Headstones?

It makes more sense to engrave R.I.P. on headboards.

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