R.I.P. Van Winkle

A grave will let you rest in peace for only 100 years (this is not much better than 20 in the grand scheme of things).

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Gender Equality

All men are not created equal but both men and women are.

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The Truth About Honeymoons

I’m going to let you in on a well kept secret. Honeymoons are usually boring. Most couples get to where they arranged to go and find that there is absolutely nothing to do once they unpack. Even if they remembered to bring Monopoly, they discover that it’s not as much fun with only two players. This is why it is so important to have Heart In Diamond wedding rings. Couples can stay up and marvel at their awesome diamonds! Honeymoons can be wonderful when two people get to enjoy each other’s personal carbon.

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Flowers Are Not For Graves

No one should waste money on flowers for a rotten person.

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How Do You Keep An Idiot In Suspense?

You wait till September 2018 to sell your new Lightbox brand of diamond jewelry.

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R.I.P. On Headstones?

It makes more sense to engrave R.I.P. on headboards.

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Cremate Me

I would rather die than be buried.

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You Talk Too Much

My older sister was a freshman at UCI in the fall of 1992. My parents wanted her to experience life in a university dormitory and avoid a one hour commute. The rest of us frequently visited her on weekends. On one such occasion, she was in tears. I listened as she told our mother about a student named Mickey. He was a nice guy who also lived in her dormitory. Mickey always had his left hand in the corresponding pocket of his pants. She had just asked him why this was so in front of a group of students in a lounge. He removed his hand from his pocket and showed everyone that it was deformed. You Talk Too Much (1985), by Run-D.M.C., is a song that most of us should hear on a regular basis. It reminds us of how dangerous the mouth can be. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves to be quiet. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves to shut up.

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Robots

The only way for life to be fair would be for us to lose free will.

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Who Goes To A Wake?

Pretty much family, friends, and whoever wants to see your dead body.

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