No Rush

A Heart In Diamond can be a dyemond or diemond.

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Good News For Procrastinators!

A Heart In Diamond can be made from your carbon before and after you dye.

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What Establishment Burns More Bodies Than A Crematorium?

A tanning salon.

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Are You A Screwup?

If you can dig your own grave, you can preheat your own cremation oven.

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Can You Read My Mind

I was in the fourth grade during the 1986-1987 school year. A “booty bop” transpired whenever a boy ran, jumped, and used his backside to propel an unsuspecting boy forward. Fourth grade boys had to constantly be on guard outside of the classroom. My friend, Brian, approached me one day after school and suggested that we booty bop each other at the same time. It would be like a joust and the loser would be the one who was propelled farther from the midpoint. It sounded like fun so I agreed. We both took our starting positions. All of a sudden, I thought of how funny it would be if I crouched down right before the planned collision and Brian flew over me and landed on his butt. We both began to run. I decided to do it.

My timing was perfect and Brian’s back landed on the pavement. I started to laugh hysterically and got up. Brian was silent for a few seconds. He stated, “You could have hurt me!” He slowly got up. I kept laughing and distanced myself out of fear. He ended up punching me in my left shoulder a few times. I would refer back to this incident whenever I needed a good laugh for years later. I would picture him dressed like Superman and in slow motion as he ran, jumped, flew, and hit the ground. It took me a long time to realize that what I had done could have paralyzed or killed Brian. I thank God that Brian was alright. I was just reminded of this ordeal after listening to Maureen McGovern’s beautiful Can You Read My Mind (the love theme from the 1978 movie Superman). Laughter is not the best medicine when it is toxic.

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I Wonder If De Beers Likes Donkeys

De Beers can kiss my ass.

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To Heck With De Beers

Drop $200 – $800 on a TV but not an Idiotbox.

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A Diamond Should Be From The Heart

Or, better yet, the whole body.

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Incomplete

People with destinies must still fill in the details.

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Happy Birthday, Brother Brian!

In honor of Brian Wilson’s 76th birthday, I have decided to share my slice of German chocolate cake with the rest of you (do not worry because there is enough for everybody).

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