This May Come As A Surprise

Smart people pay to have their turkeys burned.

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Thanksgiving

This is the only day out of the year that it’s unacceptable to burn a turkey.

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Don’t Be A Turkey

There’s no need to lose your head over an oven.

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Are You Afraid To Have Your Remains End Up In An Oven?

Only turkeys are chicken.

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Do Not Bite The Hand That Feeds You

Do not bite the hand that feeds you–unless it looks better than what you have been eating.

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Don’t Forget The Dates

If you are going to prepay for your own headstone, you may as well have it inscribed prior to storing it.

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Don’t You Dare Prepay For Burial Expenses

Headstones are for people who don’t think.

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To Be Fair

A girl’s best friend should be man-made (just like man’s best friend).

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Do Diamonds Come From Coal?

No, but they come from coal miners.

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